Failing

Every Friday morning, feeling like a failure, I walk home analyzing what went wrong.

I am an American attempting to build relationship with locals in my town in Uganda, Africa. Every week I battle cultural and language barriers. It's hard to have conversations and even harder to get to know this particular group of guys. I spend much of my hour with them trying to figure out what to say next. It is hard, frustrating work.
We are afraid of failure. Perhaps better put, we are afraid to even risk experiencing failure in our lives. Think about it:

• Months of classroom work are judged on a final grade. 
• A guy will never ask the girl out until he knows she will say yes.
• At work, we are afraid to take a risk because it means we could fail.

How many times have you said, "I wish I could...(play an instrument, learn a new language, run a marathon etc.) More often than not, we will never accomplish those things because we are too afraid of failing.

From a very young age, we are taught that failure is something to avoid.
Forget everything you ever knew about failure. Embrace it. Learn to love it. Take risks. Accomplish something you never thought you could.
Expose yourself to the risk of failing. Put yourself in a position to fail.
Why?
Because, as Robert D. Smith (www.TherobertD.com) says, when you learn to laugh in the face of rejection, it becomes the fuel to your success.

We all fear failing. Yet, the education received through failing gives more than can ever be accomplished by not trying. Will it be hard? Sure. Is it worth it? Absolutely.

Which is worse? Staying in your comfort zone and never reaching your potential because your fear held you back or attempting to be great and learning along the way?

Where in your life do you need to risk failure? What is the "Friday morning," in your life?

On the up and up,

CT

Who you should be following on Twitter: @EntMagazine
Entrepreneur is the magazine for the small business community.

1st international marathon

YO!
I know, I'm committing blogging error 101. I'm writing an extremely long post. Having said that, if you make it all the way to the end, there are lessons you can learn from this read. Let's get to it:

I ran the Kampala international marathon Sunday, November 25. Everything about it was terrible. I've never hurt that bad or had that bad of a run in my life. The day before I left our WGM board meeting early because I was feeling lousy. I slept the afternoon and evening away before waking up to eat dinner.
I woke up at 5:30 AM on Sunday and felt pretty good, or so I thought. I caught my boda (taxi) ride to Kololo airfield where the race was starting. We walked about a half a mile to get to the start line. MTN, a cell phone company, sponsored the race. They gave everyone a yellow, sleeveless jersey which 99% of the runner's were wearing. It was an explosion of yellow. Thousands of yellow shirts in every direction I looked. Naturally, I didn't wear my yellow jersey because I pride myself on not blending in (as if being one of the only white people wasn't enough). I walked through the metal detector and found my start line.
This was a 10 kilometer, 21K (13.1 miles), and 42K (26.2 miles) race. Over 10,000 people ran the 10K but only 300 warriors did it all. (Sidenote: don't insult my race by calling your 10K a "marathon." If it's not 26.2 miles, it's not a marathon. Yes, that is a pet peeve). The marathoners got to take off first and away I went on my first ever international marathon.
It was fun! I was running with two friends and the three of us stuck together early on. I was holding down an 8:15 pace per mile for the first few miles. I was wearing my fancy GPS watch for only the second time in my life. I'd heard plenty of stories about people getting lost or running more than their race called for, so I was trying to avoid that.
Soon, the course for the 21K and 42K split. I had a small video camera I was carrying in my right hand. I recorded something about how it was, "time for the warriors to step up." I was still feeling great and carefully mentally planning out the rest of the race.
At the 17K mark, we had to move up a large hill. That's where it all fell apart. I still don't know what happened. That hill killed my pace and was tough on me physically. I was never able to recover. The pain in my legs got stronger and my pace grew slower. I watched my time climb over 9 minutes a mile; and then 10.
At this point, I wasn't even halfway through the race. That is horrible! A 9 minute mile is bad for me anytime, but especially this early in the race.
By the 24K (15 miles) mark, I started walking. I was questioning how in the world I was going to cover another 18K (11 miles). Everything from the hips down hurt. For my racing standards, I was a pathetic sight setting an even more pathetic new racing low.
The next few miles were a slow, painful and discouraging run/walk mix. It was taking 20 minutes or more just to complete a single mile. I've never had physical failure before in my life, but reality was starting to set in. I couldn't finish. I was already struggling with how I was going to have to tell everyone I quit. But, I couldn't go on; it simply hurt to bad. I felt like a failure.
At the 34K (22 mile) mark, I laid down in the grass accepting defeat. All but 6 runners were ahead of me, no one was waiting at the finish line and I wasn't 100% healthy. Hurting more than I had ever experienced, my race was over.

"NO!" I thought. "CT, you are not a quitter. You weren't raised to be a quitter."
The internal battle began.
"My body has already reached it's breaking point."
"But it's only 4 miles. You've done that thousands of times in your life."
"Maybe, but never feeling like this. Just accept defeat."
"No, I don't care if I have to walk every step and am the last person to cross, I'm finishing!"
I dragged myself off the ground and stumbled to my feet. One step. Then another. And another.
"No quit CT, don't you dare quit."
The kilometer countdown was on. 7 to go. I started to jog. I was actually doing it.
6K...
5K...
4K...
The whole time I was telling myself over and over I could do this. By this point, I was 2nd to last in the race. The roads had opened up and the people directing the runners where to go had already gone home. I was following the yellow signs I saw in the distance.
3K...
2K...
25 miles in, only 1.2 more to go. I watched each hundredth of a mile tick off my watch. I heard the music from the finish line party. Mentally, I had already checked out and was picturing myself being done. Just little more to go. I saw another yellow sign in the distance.
"OK CT, last kilometer. Bring it home baby."

7K
"What. What? Did that sign just say 7K? That's impossible."
I went back and looked at the sign again.
7K
"Holy shit! You have got to be freakin kidding me," I said out loud to myself.
To say I was upset was an understatement. How could this be possible? The worst race of my life threw me a curveball. Somehow, I got off the 42K course and found either the 21K or 10K course. I asked a guy wearing a yellow jersey, obviously finished, how to get to the finish line. He told me to take a left at the next street and the finish line was, "just up the hill there." Typical African directions with no time or distance reference.
Now, turned around in an unfamiliar city, I was relying on this stranger. I was angry with myself and the race organizers. I had no idea how to get to the finish line, so I grudgingly followed his directions up the hill.
The next sign I saw read 4K left to go. I started the countdown once again, every step ringing pain in my body echoed by frustration in my head. Finally after what felt like forever, the finish line came into view. I was walking. A local told me to run because I was almost done.
Those next few hundred steps were the most painful of my life. I ran past the live band. Past the sea of yellow shirts already finished relaxing. Past the people eating in nearby tents. With each painful step the finish line grew closer. I finally crossed the finish line in a disappointing 4 hours, 57 minutes and some seconds to spare. I slowed to a walk never more thankful in my life to be done.

But I didn't quit.

3,2,1...Bungee!

No, I didn't lose a bet. Believe it or not there are still people in this world that love adventure and live on the edge. I'm proud to be one of them. So when my friends asked if I wanted to bungee jump the Nile River, what do you think my response was.

"Dude, I'm in. I'm so in. This is gonna be epic."

150 feet, half a football field of free falling, breath taking awesomeness.

That's our view from the deck.

 I went up to the top and they tied the towel around my feet with a rope.
"Wow," I thought. "Not much to that. Good thing I'm a light weight." All strapped in and ready to go, I waddled over to the stand and put my toes over the edge. I was shocked at how calm I was. No nerves, I wasn't even scared. I was pumped and ready to do this. I looked down at the river that I would soon be splashing into. Looked back at my friend Christian and gave him the thumbs up.

Let's do this baby!

Then, I heard the countdown.

3...

2...

1...

BUNGEE! 

And I'm free, free fallin...

Sometimes, you just gotta jump.

YO!

I know I know, I'm a missionary in Uganda-why am I posting about the NYC marathon? Because it matters to me. So, if you are expecting an update from here, sorry to disappoint. This is my personal opinion about whether or not the NYC marathon should or should not be cancelled in light of Sandy. Here we go:

First, let me say I live in Uganda now. I don't have 24/7 internet access and videos are really slow to load over here. So I don't know how bad the damage really is and I'm not as up to date as everyone reading this post. I'm not as informed.

But, yes the NYC marathon absolutely needs to go on. I saw on ESPN today an article blasting the NYC governor for keeping the race. Unfortunately in today's world, sports equal entertainment. And let's be honest, a group of people running for hours is as boring as sports gets for everyone outside the running world. So it's easy for the general public to say the race isn't important, distracts from what's really important etc. But, you watch those who cross the finish line and tell me it's not a moving experience. Tell me it doesn't make you want to go buy a pair of Brooks? Tell me it doesn't make you wish you enjoyed running so you could do that too.

Question for you - You think the NY Giants are going to play on Sunday? That's a resounding yes. Guess what day the race is? Yup, Sunday. So why is it acceptable and encouraged for one sporting event to go on and not the other?

Commentators will laud the Giants for playing and uniting the city again and giving people a sense of hope and something to look forward to and believe in. The marathon would do the exact same thing! And to a group of people the NFL will never reach. Why not give the city more reason to hope? NYC marathon is elite, one of the best in the world. Give the citizens of NYC a chance to see others living out their dreams and triumphing over incredible odds to reach the finish line. Isn't that exactly what the city needs?

45,000 people (I know, not all will show up and race) are signed up to race. So what if only 20,000 show up? 10,000?  I don't know about you, but when I see one person living out their dream it is enough to inspire me.

Runners are real athletes too. And just because no one cares about what we do doesn't mean this race isn't important to us. It is. Very important. Some people have trained for years just for this race. I'm halfway around the world and it's important to me.

Don't give in to the double standard. If the Giants are applauded for playing in honor of those affected by Sandy, then the race gets it's due too.

I know it's a logistical nightmare and the police have other jobs to do. I know, most of the runners aren't from NYC like the Giants players are so they aren't affected in the same way. I know a lot of people think the police/volunteers could be used in better ways. I hear all those points and they are valid. I'm not going to argue them.

The city needs hope and something to distract them from their present situation. Thousands of people will go to a stadium and cheer for their favorite NFL team. Thousands more need a chance to stand and cheer on Sunday.

The NYC marathon is free. It is an event where people are pushed to the limit, their mind is telling them to quit and their bodies are breaking down...but they overcome and triumph.

Sounds like a great lesson for NYC right now.

Love it? Hate it? Think I'm crazy and need to keep my mouth shut? I'd love to hear your comments.

On the up and up,

CT

I ate a sandwich!

YO!
"Jesus, I am so excited to eat this sandwich. I've never been more pumped in my life to eat a sandwich than I am right now..."
We were in Rumbek, South Sudan across from the airport waiting on our flight back to Uganda. We had an hour to kill and found a place to get something to drink. I had been eating local food all week and it was starting to get old. Some of it was great (pumpkin especially), but some of it was hard to choke down. Wow, I had a craving for American food like never before in my life. Then, someone turned an ordinary Friday into Thanksgiving.
"Guys, they have turkey sandwiches here."
4 ordinary things: bread, mustard, turkey and cheese. But on that day, they made a masterpiece. I was so excited to get to to eat food I was familiar with. Man, that was a good sandwich. Check it:

You ever heard the phrase, familiarity breeds contempt? I have. And you know what's crazy? If I had eaten that same turkey sandwich all week, I would have been dying for something else. After all, how many times have I thought after looking in my own kitchen, "Man, there's nothing to eat." What I really mean is, there is nothing here I want to eat.
That got me thinking. How often do I take Jesus for granted? I don't pick up my bible, don't say thank you for the little things and just chalk it up to good luck and am not in awe of my Savior like I should be. It's easy to do. Be honest, you do it too. In America, we have so little opposition to Christ being a part of our lives, He often becomes a small part of our life. Because Jesus is so accessible, He becomes optional.
Yo, check it: If a simple turkey sandwich can bring that much joy to my stomach, how much more so can Jesus bring to my soul? To your soul? He can and He wants to...if we let Him. I know not everyone believes in Jesus and I'm fine with that. It's a choice and people are free to choose what is important to them.
But, if you are reading this today and are a believer in Christ, are you content or contempt in your relationship with Him? Has Christ become to familiar to you? Let Him bring joy to your soul. He wants to (John 10:10).
Eat a sandwich today and be wowed at how good it tastes. Run to Jesus today and taste and see that the Lord is good and blessed are those who take refuge in Him (Psalms 34:8).

On the up and up,

CT

Chocolate cake and Jesus

YO!
I don't know how they found out. When I came to Arua, we arrived at the Coppedge house and they knew it was my birthday and they made a chocolate and peanut butter cake! It was delicious, I even had two slices.
Recently I read a book that made me think about Jesus. Is he the kind of guy who would eat cake with me? Laugh with me? Go on vacation to the beach and have fun? Or, maybe this is a better way to ask the question. Do I believe Jesus would do those things with me? I've heard it said that the painting reflects the personality of the one who made it. When I look at creation, that God made, what does it say about Him? He is fun, creative, and wants to enjoy life with us. I don't want to be so busy doing and memorizing that I forget to fall in love with Jesus. Because after all, what good is it if a man gains the whole world but loses his soul?
I was challenged by Billy Coppedge, leader of the A team (Arua), do go on a month long journey with Jesus to appreciate the little things. For the month of September, I'm going to keep a notebook of ways that I can thank Jesus. Every day, I'm going to list out things to be thankful for and see how big the list grows. I don't have a number in mind, but I want to be intentional about saying thank you to Jesus and hopefully, falling more in love by doing so. If you want to join me, I'd love it!  A quick note: I'm not talking about saying thank you to Jesus for saving us, forgiving us etc. I'm talking about the little things in life we often take for granted. The things you experience every day as you go about your month.

Here's an example of my first five from today:
1. Dancing to my iTunes music when no one is watching
2. When people tell me they believe in me
3. Sleeping in
4. Swimming pools (I got to swim today!)
5. YOU

So, would you consider being thankful with me this month? And, as you enjoy you the beginning of your fall, football and all things September, do me a favor and eat a slice of chocolate cake for me. And invite Jesus to sit across the table with you.

Thankful for YOU!

CT

YO! 

I started my Sunday morning with a run. To be honest, I didn't want to. I woke up at 7:30, looked outside: 

"Shocker, raining again. All it ever does here is rain," I thought.

Anything other than pounding the pavement sounded better at the moment, so I got on Facebook (that's what everyone does right?). I saw updates from friends hanging out together, things going on in my town and people that I cared about. The first thoughts of homesickness began to creep in. I wish my family was closer. I wish I could have been there to see J-dub (Jordan Wells), Alison Lewis and all my YiM people matriculate into Milligan. I wish I could have been hanging with Michael and Curtis in Maryland. I wanted to wake up and go see my church family at Boones Creek. Then I looked out the window again.

In that moment, I found myself missing home and so many of you who are reading this now.  But, wouldn't you know it the power went off and the internet stopped working. 

"Come on man. Really? Right now?" I thought to myself.

Funny how God works isn't it. Now, I had no choice. I drudgingly put on my running shoes and walked out the front gate and took off into the rain. 

For me, running is when I gain clarity on issues. I zone out and think and pray. So, even though I was surrounded by my new African life, I was consumed with thoughts of home. After a few minutes I realized what I really was longing for: community. Think about it. Even the first person to ever walk the earth wasn't satisfied until God gave him someone, a companion to do life with. It doesn't matter who you are, where you live or how old you are, everyone desires community. You desire, you need community. During my run this morning, I realized my own need for it as well. I don't feel bad for longing to be home, it's a natural, God given feeling. And though I live in Uganda, my community is still home in the states. 

I admit to you though, that back home all of my focus was inward on my community. I spent so much time reaching in, I forgot to reach out. How many times was I intentional about bringing others into my group of friends or church family. Was I ever intentional about building relationships with those who needed to know Jesus or Christ like community? Unfortunately, that answer is no. Only now that I am the outsider in need of community, do I see the error of how I lived in TN. 

This morning, if you choose to worship, hang out with friends or family look around you and thank God for the people He has given you. If you find yourself like me beginning a new journey (shout out to my new Buffaloes) and longing for home, realize it is natural. But, in life we have to live where we are now. What my mom once told me I now give to you: "Cherish the past, but embrace the future." 

I would ask if you choose to pray for me, pray that God would not make me uncomfortable because I'm already there. But, that I would embrace the unnatural. That God would give me a longing for this place, my new home. And, with time, that community here would be built through Godly relationships. And finally, that I would come to cherish Arua, Uganda as much as I do home.

From the heart,

CT

Getting There

YO!
I'm spending the week with pastors from South Sudan, Kenya and Uganda. They are going through CHE (community health empowerment) training. I am going through the training as well, so that I can better understand the culture and life here. Today we learned how a more efficient stove can be an evangelism tool. It goes like this. A woman living on the Somali/Kenya border learned how to build a stove that burns less wood. Burning less wood means spending less money on supplies. The woman invited her Muslim friends over for tea and they were very curious about this stove they had never seen before. She explained how it works and how it is saving her money which she can spend on her children's education or for house improvements etc. All the sudden the Muslim women were interested in her new stove. She came over to the house of a Muslim woman and together they worked on a new stove. The muslim woman invited her muslim friends to come meet this woman who made her new stove. The husbands of the muslim women love having more money in their family, so they don't mind when their wives spend time with this Christian woman. So, a new stove leads to ministry opportunities. So far, 5 women have been saved on the Somali border.
These are the types of things we are learning about this week. How can the local Christians improve the way of life in the community (clean water, disease etc.) to empower the local community to a better way of life. And through all this, to establish relationships to with the community to introduce them to Christ. Pretty cool stuff.
General things:
1. I can almost sleep through the night now and am just as close to making through the day without the need for a nap. Time change is almost complete!
2. Weather: It's great. I compare it to mid-September. It's in the 60's when we wake up and the 80's during the day. It rains every day, but not for very long and then the sun usually comes back.
3. The Coppedge family and the Rambo family are the 2 families serving in Arua, so expect to hear more about them in the coming months. They had a cake for me on Saturday when I got here, which was great.
That's all for now.
Much love,

CT

London

I had a 14 hour layover and there just happens to be some sporting event going on in London. Hey, I'm just following God's call. All kidding aside, adventures in London were awesome. I went to Olympic park just to say I've been there, but without a ticket you can't get inside. So I went to Hyde Park where you can watch the events live on huge screens. There were thousands of people hanging out for the day, so I took the chance to make new friends! Big shocker I know. I met some Canadians, Spanish and of course, British people.
Eventually I went to Buckingham Palace and the place was packed. Turns out, I was just in time to take some pictures and be there for the changing of the guard. What good fortune! I made friends with a group from Southern California and we watched the ceremony together. It was at least 30 minutes and very long and drawn out and boring if you ask me, but it's a big deal over there.  There are men on horses and more walking and a marching band of sorts, all wearing those funny hats. The marching band played the theme song from the movie Indiana Jones, which I definitely did not expect. But in my opinion, it's overrated.
I did get a chance to talk to a Muslim and we exchanged information and he is going to follow my journey here in Africa. He was one of the group from SoCal. Nice young guy and we talked a bit about Christianity, so hopefully my updates can introduce him to Jesus.
Prayer needs: 
1. Tomorrow I travel 8 hours to Arua and will be helping lead a training in some capacity for a week. Not sure what my role is yet, but to have the words to say and lead to the cross when the time comes.
2. To continue to adjust to the cultural and find a cultural mentor who I can ask all my questions to.
3. Throughout my whole time here, that God would reveal whatever He has next for me in life wherever around the world that takes me.
That's all for now. Thanks for all the encouragement from the first blog! I hate that is sounds so cliche, but I seriously love ya'll more than you know and cherish you in my prayers.

CT

My great friends Michael and Rae Bartlett and Conner Moore dropped me off in Knoxville today to begin my journey to Uganda, Africa. If you are new to the game, I'm doing missionary work until June 2013. The last 10 days I have constantly been in great community with people who love me that want to spend time with me before I leave. It's been great. I got stuffed with lots of great food because everyone wanted to "fatten me up" before I left and really enjoyed my last days in TN.
Then today. I went through security with my bags. And that's it. No family, friends or church family. No phone to call or text anyone with. Nothing. Just me alone with my thoughts. It was so overwhelming. I sat in the Knoxville airport feeling helpless and very small. I hate to sound like a girl, but that was one of the loneliest moments of my life. The finality of my decision finally hit home. I'm traveling half way around the world by myself to a place where I don't know anyone! It finally sounds wild to me. But, this is my decision. I chose this. And as musical artist Marc Imboden says, following God's call is wild and great. I thought of Paul from the New Testament. How alone must he of felt at times in his life. And though I struggled in that moment, I know you are reading this right now because you care. And besides, If God is for, who can be against us? So, onward I press ready to board a plane to London ready to make a difference. Ready to see life change happen centered around Jesus Christ. I thought my life would start changing when I got to Africa. Turns out, I didn't have to wait too long.

CT